Campaign for Love & Forgiveness spokesperson, Frederic Luskin, PhD, will be a featured speaker at a Greater Good Seminar, “The Science of a Meaningful Life: Forgiveness & Gratitude” on Friday, September 25, 2009, in Berkeley, California.

Dr. Luskin will teach participants the forgiveness training methodology he has validated through successful studies, including the Nine Steps to Forgiveness he developed as part of his Stanford University Forgiveness Projects. Participants will explore forgiveness with the goal of reducing hurt and helplessness, letting go of anger and grudges, and increasing their feelings of confidence and hope.

A brief presentation by University of California-Davis psychologist, Robert Emmons, Ph.D., will focus on the physical, psychological, and social benefits that come from practicing gratitude. He will also highlight research-tested methods for boosting gratitude in everyday life.

Information and online registration is available here.

Campaign for Love & Forgiveness spokesperson, Frederic Luskin, PhD, will be a featured speaker at a Greater Good Seminar, “The Science of a Meaningful Life: Forgiveness & Gratitude” on Friday, September 25, 2009, in Berkeley, California.

Dr. Luskin will teach participants the forgiveness training methodology he has validated through successful studies, including the Nine Steps to Forgiveness he developed as part of his Stanford University Forgiveness Projects. Participants will explore forgiveness with the goal of reducing hurt and helplessness, letting go of anger and grudges, and increasing their feelings of confidence and hope.

A brief presentation by University of California-Davis psychologist, Robert Emmons, Ph.D., will focus on the physical, psychological, and social benefits that come from practicing gratitude. He will also highlight research-tested methods for boosting gratitude in everyday life.

Information and online registration is available here.

Ev Worthington, a spokesman for the Campaign for Love & Forgiveness, researcher and expert on forgiveness, is a living example of the power of forgiveness. Richmond Magazine features Worthington in its January issue in an article that profiles a contemporary hero and leader in the field of forgiveness and life. Check it out.

In this the final of three entries, Dr. Eileen Borris, a licensed clinical psychologist, political psychologist, educator/trainer, and author, shares a prayer for forgiveness.

I would like share the following prayer which illustrates the struggle and the freedom experienced on the deepest levels when we truly open our heart to forgiveness. Rabbi Leo Baeck, who survived the concentration camps in World War II, wrote this eloquent prayer about forgiving the Nazis. He worked to defend the Nazi officers and guards from revenge in the aftermath of the war. His prayer reflects the profound depth of his faith and of his understanding of forgiveness.

A Prayer for Forgiveness of the Nazis
by Rabbi Leo Baeck

Let there be peace for those of ill will, and an end to all vengeance and all talk of penalty and punishment….

The atrocities mock all standards; they stand beyond all borders of human comprehension, and the martyrs are many….

Therefore, O God, do not weigh their outrages with the scales of righteousness, and hand them over to executioners, demanding a terrible reckoning from them.

Deal with them differently.

Credit to the murderers and informants, betrayers and all evil persons the courage and the fortitude of the others, their personal modesty, their noble dignity, their silent efforts despite everything, the hope that does not surrender, and the brave smile that dries up tears, and all the sacrifice. All the warm love…all the harrowed, tortured hearts that still remained strong and ever trusting in the face of death and in death, yes, even the hours of profoundest weakness….

All that, O my God, should count before you as ransom for the forgiveness of debt should count for a rebirth of righteousness—all the good should count, not the evil.

And in the memory of our enemies we should no longer be their victims, no longer their nightmare and terror, but rather a help that releases them from their frenzy….

That is all that is asked of them—and that we, when all this is over, may live again as humans among humans, and that there will be peace again on this poor earth upon persons of good will, and that peace may also come upon the others.

This prayer demonstrates that forgiveness is a radical way of thinking that openly contradicts the most common beliefs of this troubled world. Radical because it involves a transformation of our thoughts of “an eye for an eye” to compassion and understanding. Forgiveness is the science of the heart, a discipline of discovering all the ways of being that will extend your love to the world, discarding all the ways that do not.

In this the first of three entries, campaign spokesperson, Dr. Eileen Borris, a licensed clinical psychologist, political psychologist, educator/trainer, and author, shares her views and experience with forgiveness. For years, she has been involved in the healing of emotional wounds on a personal and political level. She is Director of Training and Program Development for the Institute for Multi-Track Diplomacy where she works in the area of international conflict resolution. She is the author of Forgiveness the Ultimate Freedom Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness.

I’ve been involved with the work of forgiveness for a very long time. In a way it came very unexpectedly when I began studying different spiritual disciplines, in particular, A Course in Miracles. For those who do not know the Course, which describes a sophisticated psychological thought system based on the dynamics of separation, guilt and fear. These dynamics are laid out in the story of Adam and Eve which can be seen as a mythological account of the birth of consciousness, whose cornerstones are separation, guilt, and fear. Adam and Eve enjoying the Garden of Eden were told not to eat from the Tree of Knowledge. Then came the serpent tempting Eve to eat the fruit of the tree of knowledge. Eve took the fruit, ate it, and gave it to Adam. At that moment everything changed. Adam and Eve heard the voice of God walking in the garden and became fearful. When asked who had taken the bite of the forbidden fruit, Adam turned to Eve who then blamed the snake. Then Adam and Eve were punished for their sins. In psychological terms we have gotten so wrapped up in our ego that we have turned away from our spiritual essence. There is a part of ourselves which recognizes this, which is where the guilt comes in. Since guilt is so hard to look at we can only see fault in others denying that we have a shadow side to ourselves. Guilt implies punishment and so we are always defending ourselves by attacking others because of our fear of what may be coming our way.

I share this story because when we understand the dynamics of how we think, only then can we understand the importance of what forgiveness is about. For me forgiveness is about undoing the kind of thinking, motivated by our anger, guilt or fear, which cuts us off from our higher nature. If we can recognize that we see the world through the lens of our personal guilt and fear and if we can heal this within ourselves, then we get closer to our spiritual nature and see what has happened to us in a very different light. The process of forgiveness helps us do this. Forgiveness helps us change the way we think so we can see the light within each one of us instead of only the outward behavior which can block that light. When we are committed to the path of forgiveness and are willing to do the deep inner work that is often required, we are given what we need which can transform our lives in ways we cannot even imagine. I have heard so many inspiring stories of people from all walks of life whose lives were profoundly changed because they were able to forgive. This has put the passion in my heart to help others to learn how to forgive. When we experience the power of forgiveness it is as though something new gets created inside of ourselves, an interior renovation written upon our inner self where there is no need of outer instruction. This spiritual transformation is a beautiful gift that only forgiveness can bring.

In this the last of his four-part series, Azim Khamisa explains how punitive justice overlooks the opportunity to transform lives well beyond one offender.

Social justice in a civil society must go far beyond the punitive responses. In the case of my son’s murder in 1995, I saw victim’s on both sides of the gun. But many have questioned me about the necessary punishment of my son’s murderer. Must he be punished? I say yes, but I also believe punishment just for the sake of punishment is barbaric, and the death penalty is the worst example of this barbarism. It is a public display of vengeance not a mark of a civilized society.

Compassionate consequences, healing and ultimately restoration should be the goals. The convicted could face the consequences of introspection and whatever is required to achieve full restoration back into our society. Since my own tragedy I have taken the work of forgiveness and restorative justice to schools, prisons, corporations and other venues.

I believe we are here to serve humanity—and in the totem pole of humanity, in my opinion, kids come first. We are their caregivers and role models. Similarly, when we talk about social justice we must go way beyond the punitive approach. In the case of my tragedy, when I forgave and offered my son’s murderer a job (an opportunity to redeem himself) he transformed and passed his GED, took up college courses and started reading five books a month. While he still has many years to serve in prison, he will eventually get out and join his grandfather and me doing the work at The Tariq Khamisa Foundation, saving other kids from making the same mistake he did.

I know in my heart of hearts we have saved him. Just imagine how many he will save. He could have received the death penalty, and we would have lost the opportunity to transform him and have him save many more kids.

This, in my humble opinion, needs to be the face of social justice in a civil society.

In this third of four entries, Azim Khamisa shares a transformational moment.

“True compassion is not just an emotional response but also a firm commitment founded on reason. Therefore, a truly compassionate attitude towards others does not change even if they behave negatively.” —His Holiness the Fourteenth Dalai Lama

In my journey since my son Tariq was so tragically taken away from us, I have learned, in a very deep way, the truth contained in the above insight. The work that I have done with forgiveness, in Tariq’s name, has shifted me to become a person who—for the most part—is now able to live at the higher vibratory frequencies of love, unity, compassion, forgiveness and peace.

This is particularly true in the work I do with youth. Last year, I had one of the most powerful experiences in my life speaking before 20 kids also held in maximum-security unit in San Leandro Juvenile Prison. Towards the end of the presentation, one young man told me, “You don’t look at us as if we are criminals.” I walked up to him; we locked eyes, and from deep down in my heart I said, “When I look in your eyes what I see is another soul just like me.”

There was a huge connection as both our eyes moistened with tears. I felt like a lightning bolt spark exchanged between our two souls as he responded, “That is what I am talking about.” This lightning bolt energy also seemed to connect everyone in the room. At the end of my talk, the young man asked if he could offer a closing prayer. I told him I would love for him to do that and suggested we hold hands and form a circle. He mostly prayed for Tariq, which brought tears of healing to my eyes and joy to my heart. This work is such a gift, and I know that he and the others transformed in their own ways that day. I have held this young man and others I met that day in my prayers.

When we choose to live a compassionate life, we are able to create transformation in ours and others’ lives. If we live in resentment, anger, hatred, avarice, jealousy and judgment, we vibrate at a very low frequency and attract more of the same. Now is the time to make a firm commitment to continually live in love, compassion and unity, and vibrate at the higher frequencies where we can experience fulfillment in our lives and create transformation for not only ourselves but for others. The choice is ours.

In this second of four entries, Azim Khamisa discusses his view on the power of restorative justice to change individuals for the better.

Recently, I was privileged to speak before young prisoners incarcerated at the Alameda County Juvenile Justice Center in San Leandro. Of these, the majority had experienced violence in their lives, including the murder of family members or friends. I was inspired not so much to retell my tragic story, but to inspire them to make a different choice in their lives. In two days, I conducted seven presentations, which included two meditation classes, for both males and females, ranging from age 13-18. One group of 55 included youth held in a maximum security unit, some of whom potentially face long-term adult sentences.

I know in my heart that through the power of forgiveness, the application of “good works” and a restorative justice system—all these young ones (as well as all of us) can be restored to a rightful place—as innocent human beings re-entering the world as well-functioning society members.

For those who have broken the law or aimed to harm others, this can be done through these steps:

1. Take responsibility for your actions.
2. Ask for forgiveness.
3. Forgive yourself and commit to changing your behavior.
4. “Give back”—in the spirit of redemption—by making sure to stop another child or other children from making the same mistakes that you made.

Part of my mission is to help bring about a change in our juvenile justice system, transitioning from the punitive system and towards that of restorative justice. If we do that, we will help transform 95 percent of our youth, saving many lives.

In San Leandro, at the end of my talk before the 55 youth in maximum security, I asked how many present were now inspired to make new choices from here on out.

I was so very happy to see several hands going up.

Change is possible. Change is inevitable. It’s time we create a space and a place for our young ones, as well as ourselves, to be restored—back into a state of innocence—for the good of those young ones, for the good of our society, for the good of our world.

Featured both in The Mystery of Love and The Power of Forgiveness documentaries, Azim Khamisa, a campaign spokesperson, is an exemplar of love and forgiveness. Following the loss of his only son, Tariq, in 1995 to a gang-related murder, Azim Khamisa chose the path of forgiveness. He established The Tariq Khamisa Foundation (TKF) which prompted a forgiveness movement that has reached millions. In this, the first of four entries adapted from his newsletter, Azim shares the night in March he celebrated Tariq’s birthday.

Last night I had dinner with Tariq—as I do often—when I am home alone for dinner. On the table, I put some flowers and my favorite photo of Tariq. I lit a candle and we ate together and chatted. He shared with me that he is living his mission. Tariq always wanted to be remembered for making a significant contribution to the world. It has happened through my workshops and keynote speeches, and through the work of TKF.

For me, this celebration is significant at a very personal level. Tariq’s gifts in my life have been immeasurable. I feel such deep gratitude to him that I am at a loss for words to articulate these feeling except for the tears that are rolling down my cheeks as I write this. It is because of Tariq that I have become a better person: more humble, more loving, moore compassionate and more concerned about the children of the world and the conflicts of our world, than only about me.

I was not always that way when Tariq was alive. Eighty percent of my focus was on me and my family. I really had not done anything to reach out to the children in my community or to create peace in the world. Now I spend 80 percent of my time talking to kids and adults about the importance and urgency of eradicating violence and replacing it with love through the practice of forgiveness. With such, we can create a world at peace where our children and grandchildren can grow up safely with hope and opportunity. Truly, we have—as a nation—failed our responsibility to the young ones in our world who so desperately need us adults for their safety, growth and welfare. This breaks my heart, and we must simply do more.

In this, the final entry in a four part series, Fred Luskin shares the importance of forgiveness in maintaining a loving relationship.

Many of the things that have hurt us in the past can continue to impact our current love relationships. I have worked with many people who are the product of troubled, and/or rejecting parents. In forgiveness classes people share horror stories of lovers who abandoned them, cheated on them, and failed to pay child support. Unfortunately, too many people also struggle with current conflicted and stressful love relationships. As often as I can, I suggest they focus on getting the current relationship right and paying less attention to the past.

I once counseled a man named Danny who was in his mid thirties. Danny came from a dysfunctional home where his parents had a bitter divorce. His mother was only marginally capable of parenting and Danny spent much of his childhood without guidance. His father was absent and did not contribute much to his care. Danny has a number of significant wounds from his parents that he could benefit from forgiving. However, the suggestion I made to Danny was to let his parents’ mistreatment take a back seat to doing his best to make his love relationship with Yolanda work. I told Danny it would make minimal difference in his life how he felt about his parents but would make a huge difference if he could make it right with Yolanda.

As part of his therapy, Danny was asked to forgive situations with Yolanda that were triggered by issues from his childhood. Danny chafed any time he was told what to do as he had mostly raised himself. He also suffered from poor problem solving strategies having received little adult guidance. Inevitably, in the course of conversation, Yolanda would tell Danny what to do or try to correct his lack of planning and follow through. Danny got mad almost every time one of these conversations happened.. I suggested he practice simple stress management practices on a regular basis and use his current goal of creating a loving relationship to motivate him. He found, after practice and struggle, that learning to create a successful relationship did wonders for his self-confidence and practicing forgiveness with someone he loved made it easier to do in more difficult situations. Danny learned how to practice forgiveness in the most important and loving situation in his life.

Danny connected with the precious opportunity for a happy life that a loving partnership presents. When he committed to doing his best with Yolanda, he was forced to confront how much baggage he was carrying from his past. He saw his anger and rebelliousness and had to decide how much of that to impose on Yolanda. He also saw how these habits allowed him to criticize and avoid Yolanda who wanted desperately to connect with him. With forgiveness training he was able to see clearly the loving and imperfect woman he was punishing for other peoples’ offenses and he chose to stop.