Thanks to Robin A. Edgar, Charlotte campaign conversation facilitator, for submitting this inspiring entry.

The Supreme Court outlawed segregated schools in 1954, but it took three years for Southern states to comply-sort of. In Charlotte, dozens of black children volunteered to attend white schools but the school board rejected all but four. On Sept. 4, 1957, Dorothy Counts (Dot Counts-Scoggins today) walked down the hill to Harding High School.

Approaching a wall of screaming and spitting white students, she thought of what her father, Herman Counts, always told his family–”Hold your head high.” The wall parted to let her pass.

Woody Cooper was in the crowd. A good student, he was already accepted to The Citadel and his dad, a Charlotte policeman, told him, “Don’t get involved.” So Woody just stood and watched Dot come down the hill, walking right past him while his classmates cursed at her and called her names.

The photo that Don Sturkey took of that day for the Observer was eventually seen around the world. Over the years, when Woody looked at the picture, he realized that failing to help Dot that day was the same thing as hurling insults at her.

In 2006, after Woody’s Sunday School lesson about sins of omission, he told his class that he felt he had failed to do right by Dorothy Counts. The very next day, the Observer ran a story about Dorothy and Woody sent an e-mail to the reporter. The reporter forwarded it to Dot.

Dot and Woody, who are now friends, will be the guests of honor at the dedication of the Red Bench of Love in Charlotte’s Garden of Love and Forgiveness on June 10, 2010. We invited them to be the first to sit on this symbol from our four-year Campaign for Love & Forgiveness. We hope others will visit our Bench and Garden and take the time to find love and forgiveness in their hearts and lives as well.

This reflection is from Thom Andrews, director of Kalamazoo’s Season of Forgiveness.

“War is hell.”

Attributed to Civil War General William Sherman, this phrase certainly refers to the unspeakable horrors that combat soldiers face every day. It also includes the terror experienced by civilians whose homes and villages are destroyed and who live in squalor not knowing what the next hour will bring. It even includes those miles away from the battle, wondering moment by moment if their loved ones are safe.

Engaging in war often is a nation’s response to being threatened or attacked. However, what if we opted for a different response? Following the Rwandan genocide, Immaculee Ilibagiza volunteered at an orphanage that took in every child brought to them - more every day. They had great need in many areas. One day, after passing several military checkpoints on her way to the orphanage, Immaculee wondered, “What would I do if I could command an army? I’d bring it here to fight for the orphans!”

This audacious idea led her to assemble a proposal and, using her not-so-powerful position as an administrative assistant at the UN in Rwanda, tag along to a meeting selecting the project for the next International Volunteer Day. She offered her proposal to bring food and medicine, to read and clean, and to simply share love with the orphans for a day. While this initially fell flat amidst the usual thoughts of repairing classrooms, building a schoolhouse or establishing a clinic, she persisted and her proposal was accepted. A few weeks later, over 100 volunteers from Africa, Europe, America, and Asia brought food, crayons, blackboards, cleaning supplies, and medicines to the orphanage. While half the group worked, the other half interacted with the children. Their only instruction was to act from their heart and give it their all. In a radio interview at the close of the day, Immaculee stated her reason for the project: “because these children are the ones who will build the new Rwanda.”

Violence is a power of death and destruction, fueled by hate. Love is a power of life and hope, fueled by compassion. And love is by far the greater power. We know this in the deepest recesses of our hearts. So, why do we not act on this knowledge?

This Memorial Day - and in the days to come - may we honor those who have fought for our freedom by daring to mature into a civilization where the “eye for an eye” mentality of war is replaced with the understanding that when one suffers, we all suffer. Love is our secret weapon!

Quote for reflection throughout the week
I will greet this day with love in my heart. For this is the greatest secret of success in all ventures. Muscles can split a shield and even destroy life itself but only the unseen power of love can open the hearts of man. And until I master this act I will remain no more than a peddler in the marketplace. I will make love my greatest weapon and none on who I call can defend upon its force… my love will melt all hearts liken to the sun whose rays soften the coldest day. –Og Mandino

From the web
Here is an article from Charlottesville, VA of two persons who lost loved ones to terrorism and are responding with love.

Each year when Mother’s Day rolls around, I’m reminded of one of the greatest gifts in my life–lessons from and memories of my mother. Lately I’ve been immersed in the topic of compassion, something she would have loved. Her motto was the Golden Rule.

As her daughter, I and my brothers were the primary beneficiaries of her love and compassion. I was lucky to experience it everyday, even when she was exhausted herself. In her early 40’s she went back to school, worked, and took care of our family–all with great patience, a quiet strength, and steadiness.

She often was helping out a co-worker, a family in need, a student she was tutoring, or an international student with nowhere to go for a holiday. Each year before winter break, she bought gifts for the elementary school students she taught, placing pencils, paper, and other school or art supplies in a cloth bag she sewed herself. She taught with grace, kindness, creativity, and eyes in the back of her head!

What lit her up most was when she was with family, children, or close friends, entertaining, and when making stained glass creations.

I never thanked my mother enough for who she was, what she modeled for me, and all she did for me. So often I took having a wonderful mother for granted–until she was gone. I was fortunate. Too many children don’t know what it is to have a loving mother. She was that presence for some of them.

Today, on Mothers’ Day, and so many other days when I feel her presence, I quietly salute her.

Born in Israel, Rami Efal, an author, illustrator, and descendant of Holocaust survivors, wrote us that in June he will be part of a multi-faith retreat in Auschwitz/Birkenau in Poland to bear witness at a site where members of his family were killed in the Holocaust. “The retreat will include meditation and Jewish, Muslim, Christian and Buddhist liturgical services, as well as a name-reading of victims,” he writes on his blog. “I will be reading the names of my grandparents siblings, mothers, fathers as well as the names of friends’ relatives who have fallen in the different wars of Israel.”

A gifted artist, Efal is offering portaiture services in exchange for donations that will help him travel to Poland for the retreat. He is also offering to “read the names of your family members, whether they died at the Jewish Holocaust, or in any other conflict of past or present. I especially invite my German, Polish, Russian, Jordanian, Syrian, Egyptian and Palestinian friends.” Check out his blog for more details, to see his beautiful artwork, and his new book, Never Forget, Never Forgive, A Graphic Novel.

This reflection is from Thom Andrews, director of Kalamazoo’s Season of Forgiveness.

How do you celebrate St. Patrick’s Day?

In Dublin (California, that is) they held a parade (not unusual).  However this parade also was a “kindness walk” in which people were encouraged to help spread kindness “by walking in the parade, handing out candies, smiling, waving, hugging, and encouraging others to be kind.”

What a great idea!  The spark for this comes from SpreadKindness.org whose purpose is “to inspire others to be kind, compassionate and loving to one another - at home, at work, and in every interaction throughout the day.”  They further point out that “No kind action ever stops with itself.  One kind action leads to another.”

Practicing kindness is a fundamental of forgiveness, and I encourage every one of you to make St. Patrick’s Day a day to spread kindness.  If you’re wondering how to do this, here’s one suggestion:  smile at everyone you see - look them in the eye and simply smile (I bet they smile back).  Click here for other suggestions.

Kindness shows respect and care for the other person and expresses our equality one with another.  Because, as is often said, “We’re all in this together.”  So, as we all become Irish for a day, let’s celebrate not only “the luck of the Irish” but also the kindness of our hearts.

Collect as many smiles as you can this St. Patrick’s Day and let it brighten the day.

Quote for reflection throughout the week
Kindness in words creates confidence.  Kindness in thinking creates profoundness.  Kindness in giving creates love .  Lao-Tzu

From the Web
Here are two Web sites that are dedicated to encouraging the practice of kindness–explore and see what motivates you:  ActsOfKindness.org and SpreadKindness.org

Kathleen Clark, Ph.D., J.D., who provided this entry, has practiced law and mediation in the San Francisco Bay Area for twenty years. She is the founder/CEO of Servant Lawyership. She practices law, convenes symposiums, and writes and speaks on collaborative practices in health care.

Michael Woods died of a heart attack on a gurney in the emergency room of Kent Hospital in Warwick, Rhode Island. A heart monitor was ordered but the order was never carried out.

Michael’s older brother, actor James Woods, sought compensation for his brother’s son, Peyton, but more than that, he wanted acknowledgement of responsibility, accountability, and an apology. Although Woods knew that litigation would only provide his family money, nothing more, he saw litigation as the only option he had.

The case proceeded to trial with Sandy Coletta, the new CEO of Kent Hospital, playing an active role. During the third week of trial, Coletta told her attorneys that she “absolutely” needed to talk with Woods, personally. At first, Woods resisted.

Decof told me that in his experience, he’d never seen or heard of a situation in which a public apology and acknowledgment, had occurred in the middle of a medical malpractice trial, especially when a settlement was involved. Decof asked Woods to meet with Coletta, knowing that a meeting was the only avenue to acknowledgment of responsibility and an apology. He suggested that “Woods might be able to look at the hospital differently through Coletta”.

That’s exactly what happened.

Coletta told Woods, “I don’t know if anyone from Kent has ever said this to you, but I am so sorry about what happened to your brother.” She acknowledged that “Mistakes were made” and “the hospital did not follow through on the order.” According to Decof, the apology shifted Woods’ frame of mind from “search and destroy to a conciliatory”. Woods said he transitioned from hurt and anger to hope.

Although the advent of this new practice, collaborative law in health care, has been daunting, my spirit, determination, and dedication to collaborative practices after adverse medical events was reinvigorated by this 2009 medical malpractice/wrongful death case of Michael Woods. The case was filed in July, 2006, had all the traditional elements of medical malpractice litigation. James Woods was angry, bitter, and alienated, feeling disrespected and unrecognized. Although James’ mother was not a party, she was an integral part of the litigation process.

By the end, the case had many elements of reconciliation: apology, acknowledgment, forgiveness, and collaboration, particularly transformative because the case was considered unsettlable. For me, this case was and continues to be about our shared humanity, understanding, and caring about each other.

Here’s some food for thought for the holidays from Thom Andrews, director of Kalamazoo’s Season of Forgiveness. Thank you, Thom.

It’s the holidays. It’s the end of a year and the end of a decade.

As we gather with family and look back at our lives and the times in which we live, what posture will we assume? That is, what perspective will we take?

I suggest gratitude. Gratitude recognizes the fragility and randomness in life and takes nothing for granted. In practicing gratitude, we are mindful of each moment and grateful for what we have and what we receive. Gratitude acknowledges and expresses our humility, recognizing that there are no entitlements and we are not in control of what life dishes out. Gratitude is one of the fundamentals of forgiveness (along with kindness and generosity).

In this season, be grateful. You’ll be happier and healthier if you do.

Quote for reflection throughout the week
Forgiveness is the giving, and so the receiving, of life. –George MacDonald

From the web
Recent scientific studies showing that gratitude leads to a healthier, happier life.

When I returned home from a trip on Monday, I was confronted by the front page headline in the Sunday Seattle Times “A path to murder,” about the life of Maurice Clemmons who murdered four police officers in Parkland, Washington. In the same issue was the Parade Magazine headline, “The Power of Forgiveness,” describing Nelson Mandela’s call for reconciliation as portrayed in the movie Invictus (opening December 11th) which chronicles his support of South Africa’s rugby team in an effort to bring South Africans together “through the universal language of sport.”

Offering forgiveness may seem outrageous to some when confronted with an overwhelming transgression like murder.  But reading the story about Invictus that held up the actions of Nelson Mandela in the face of tremendous, systemic injustice, was a reminder that it can and has been done. But how is forgiveness of such magnitude possible?

Everett Worthington, PhD, a leader in the field of forgiveness, experienced such a transgression in his own life which tested his resolve to practice what he preached. He used a process called “emotional replacement,” which he developed and studies, to forgive the man who murdered his mother.

In his book, Five Steps to Forgiveness, he explains that “trauma seems to cause the emotional centers of the brain to become extremely active, and it changes emotional experience strongly. Imagining a traumatic scene and pairing it with the emotion of compassion most likely reprogrammed my emotions of rage and fear.”

Worthington found humanity in the young man who murdered his mother. “People who hurt or offend us often do so because they’re conditioned by their past,” he writes. He was able to use that perspective to find compassion for and forgive his mother’s murderer without jettisoning a search for justice.

For most of us, forgiveness requires constant practice, building mental and emotional muscle that can hold the tension of the pain of transgressions alongside a broader understanding and compassion for the person or people who harm us or our loved ones. It’s not easy, but we can look to the example of Nelson Mandela, Everett Worthington, or others closer to us for inspiration.

For more on forgiveness from Everett Worthington and Fred Luskin, PhD, another leader in the field, listen to our podcasts.

Compassion manifests itself in the world not by thinking but by doing.
–Charter for Compassion

Tomorrow the words of the Charter for Compassion will be unveiled to the world. 125 international partners will celebrate the launch through 175 events in 32 countries!

The Fetzer Institute, sponsor of the Campaign for Love & Forgiveness and primary sponsor of the Charter, is committed to the long-term vision of the Charter and finds the opportunity to support a worldwide conversation about the need for greater compassion compelling.

We encourage everyone to read, affirm, share, and act on the Charter for Compassion!

Another story of forgiveness from Africa* is being told as a one-hour documentary. Ready to Forgive: An African Story of Grace, produced by the Lutheran Church America and hosted by Imaculée Ilibigaza, a Rwanda genocide survivor and the author of Left to Tell, tells the story of the Acholi people in Northern Uganda. Despite being brutalized during twenty years of war which left thousands dead, many displaced, and many–especially children who were abducted and forced to fight–suffering crippling physical, mental, and emotional injuries, the Acholi people still believe in reconciliation and forgiveness.

According to a recent review, “Ready to Forgive is laced with on-location photography and plentiful interviews with survivors of attacks, but also members of the Lutheran World Federation and others in who to restore peace to Northern Uganda after more than 20 years of conflict.  The documentary focuses on the ability of the Acholi people of Northern Uganda to forgive their own: members of their own villages who were, in many cases, forced to join a rebel group called the Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA), led by Joseph Kony, which committed atrocities against the Acholi people.”

In a previous blog entry, Robin Edgar wrote about American-born Andrew Briggs who was inspired to go to Koro Abili, an Internally Displace Persons camp in Uganda, to help traumatized children heal through the arts. He developed a program that eventually became the nonprofit, Freedom In Creation (FIC). It is not only helping heal affected children, it is helping heal communities.

Read more about the film and Andrew’s work with Freedom In Creation. Both are needed shots of hope amidst bleak headlines.

*Some other stories of forgiveness in African countries can be found in As We Forgive, a film about forgiveness after the Rwandan genocide and Archbishop Emeritus Desmond Tutu’s book about the Truth and Reconciliation Commission in South Africa, No Future Without Forgiveness.