Kathleen Clark, Ph.D., J.D., who provided this entry, has practiced law and mediation in the San Francisco Bay Area for twenty years. She is the founder/CEO of Servant Lawyership. She practices law, convenes symposiums, and writes and speaks on collaborative practices in health care.

Michael Woods died of a heart attack on a gurney in the emergency room of Kent Hospital in Warwick, Rhode Island. A heart monitor was ordered but the order was never carried out.

Michael’s older brother, actor James Woods, sought compensation for his brother’s son, Peyton, but more than that, he wanted acknowledgement of responsibility, accountability, and an apology. Although Woods knew that litigation would only provide his family money, nothing more, he saw litigation as the only option he had.

The case proceeded to trial with Sandy Coletta, the new CEO of Kent Hospital, playing an active role. During the third week of trial, Coletta told her attorneys that she “absolutely” needed to talk with Woods, personally. At first, Woods resisted.

Decof told me that in his experience, he’d never seen or heard of a situation in which a public apology and acknowledgment, had occurred in the middle of a medical malpractice trial, especially when a settlement was involved. Decof asked Woods to meet with Coletta, knowing that a meeting was the only avenue to acknowledgment of responsibility and an apology. He suggested that “Woods might be able to look at the hospital differently through Coletta”.

That’s exactly what happened.

Coletta told Woods, “I don’t know if anyone from Kent has ever said this to you, but I am so sorry about what happened to your brother.” She acknowledged that “Mistakes were made” and “the hospital did not follow through on the order.” According to Decof, the apology shifted Woods’ frame of mind from “search and destroy to a conciliatory”. Woods said he transitioned from hurt and anger to hope.

Although the advent of this new practice, collaborative law in health care, has been daunting, my spirit, determination, and dedication to collaborative practices after adverse medical events was reinvigorated by this 2009 medical malpractice/wrongful death case of Michael Woods. The case was filed in July, 2006, had all the traditional elements of medical malpractice litigation. James Woods was angry, bitter, and alienated, feeling disrespected and unrecognized. Although James’ mother was not a party, she was an integral part of the litigation process.

By the end, the case had many elements of reconciliation: apology, acknowledgment, forgiveness, and collaboration, particularly transformative because the case was considered unsettlable. For me, this case was and continues to be about our shared humanity, understanding, and caring about each other.

Here’s some food for thought for the holidays from Thom Andrews, director of Kalamazoo’s Season of Forgiveness. Thank you, Thom.

It’s the holidays. It’s the end of a year and the end of a decade.

As we gather with family and look back at our lives and the times in which we live, what posture will we assume? That is, what perspective will we take?

I suggest gratitude. Gratitude recognizes the fragility and randomness in life and takes nothing for granted. In practicing gratitude, we are mindful of each moment and grateful for what we have and what we receive. Gratitude acknowledges and expresses our humility, recognizing that there are no entitlements and we are not in control of what life dishes out. Gratitude is one of the fundamentals of forgiveness (along with kindness and generosity).

In this season, be grateful. You’ll be happier and healthier if you do.

Quote for reflection throughout the week
Forgiveness is the giving, and so the receiving, of life. –George MacDonald

From the web
Recent scientific studies showing that gratitude leads to a healthier, happier life.

When I returned home from a trip on Monday, I was confronted by the front page headline in the Sunday Seattle Times “A path to murder,” about the life of Maurice Clemmons who murdered four police officers in Parkland, Washington. In the same issue was the Parade Magazine headline, “The Power of Forgiveness,” describing Nelson Mandela’s call for reconciliation as portrayed in the movie Invictus (opening December 11th) which chronicles his support of South Africa’s rugby team in an effort to bring South Africans together “through the universal language of sport.”

Offering forgiveness may seem outrageous to some when confronted with an overwhelming transgression like murder.  But reading the story about Invictus that held up the actions of Nelson Mandela in the face of tremendous, systemic injustice, was a reminder that it can and has been done. But how is forgiveness of such magnitude possible?

Everett Worthington, PhD, a leader in the field of forgiveness, experienced such a transgression in his own life which tested his resolve to practice what he preached. He used a process called “emotional replacement,” which he developed and studies, to forgive the man who murdered his mother.

In his book, Five Steps to Forgiveness, he explains that “trauma seems to cause the emotional centers of the brain to become extremely active, and it changes emotional experience strongly. Imagining a traumatic scene and pairing it with the emotion of compassion most likely reprogrammed my emotions of rage and fear.”

Worthington found humanity in the young man who murdered his mother. “People who hurt or offend us often do so because they’re conditioned by their past,” he writes. He was able to use that perspective to find compassion for and forgive his mother’s murderer without jettisoning a search for justice.

For most of us, forgiveness requires constant practice, building mental and emotional muscle that can hold the tension of the pain of transgressions alongside a broader understanding and compassion for the person or people who harm us or our loved ones. It’s not easy, but we can look to the example of Nelson Mandela, Everett Worthington, or others closer to us for inspiration.

For more on forgiveness from Everett Worthington and Fred Luskin, PhD, another leader in the field, listen to our podcasts.

Compassion manifests itself in the world not by thinking but by doing.
–Charter for Compassion

Tomorrow the words of the Charter for Compassion will be unveiled to the world. 125 international partners will celebrate the launch through 175 events in 32 countries!

The Fetzer Institute, sponsor of the Campaign for Love & Forgiveness and primary sponsor of the Charter, is committed to the long-term vision of the Charter and finds the opportunity to support a worldwide conversation about the need for greater compassion compelling.

We encourage everyone to read, affirm, share, and act on the Charter for Compassion!

Another story of forgiveness from Africa* is being told as a one-hour documentary. Ready to Forgive: An African Story of Grace, produced by the Lutheran Church America and hosted by Imaculée Ilibigaza, a Rwanda genocide survivor and the author of Left to Tell, tells the story of the Acholi people in Northern Uganda. Despite being brutalized during twenty years of war which left thousands dead, many displaced, and many–especially children who were abducted and forced to fight–suffering crippling physical, mental, and emotional injuries, the Acholi people still believe in reconciliation and forgiveness.

According to a recent review, “Ready to Forgive is laced with on-location photography and plentiful interviews with survivors of attacks, but also members of the Lutheran World Federation and others in who to restore peace to Northern Uganda after more than 20 years of conflict.  The documentary focuses on the ability of the Acholi people of Northern Uganda to forgive their own: members of their own villages who were, in many cases, forced to join a rebel group called the Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA), led by Joseph Kony, which committed atrocities against the Acholi people.”

In a previous blog entry, Robin Edgar wrote about American-born Andrew Briggs who was inspired to go to Koro Abili, an Internally Displace Persons camp in Uganda, to help traumatized children heal through the arts. He developed a program that eventually became the nonprofit, Freedom In Creation (FIC). It is not only helping heal affected children, it is helping heal communities.

Read more about the film and Andrew’s work with Freedom In Creation. Both are needed shots of hope amidst bleak headlines.

*Some other stories of forgiveness in African countries can be found in As We Forgive, a film about forgiveness after the Rwandan genocide and Archbishop Emeritus Desmond Tutu’s book about the Truth and Reconciliation Commission in South Africa, No Future Without Forgiveness.

When we talk of love, compassion, or forgiveness, it’s easy to think that practicing any of these requires something bigger, more perfect than we are capable of. It doesn’t. In fact, it’s the small acts of love, compassion, and forgiveness that can disarm us, brighten our day, or lift a crushed spirit.

When I was in the midst of despair over the end of my marriage, the kindness of a barista who gave me a free latte for an unknown reason and the warm smile of a retail clerk were just two seemingly small gestures that made my day. In their own way, each of these people I encountered had provided a hand to grab onto from the emotional cliff I felt slipping from my grasp. They didn’t have to–nor could they–save me, just show some kindness.

A recent article in the Beacon-News in Aurora, Illinois, tells the story of an Aurora police officer who saw a child in need and acted–decisively, compassionately, without fanfare–in a way that left an indelible mark on his trainee, the child, and his mother.

The gesture had “symbolic importance. It’s a good sign for this deeply polarized country…”
–Camilo Gonzalez of the Institute for Development and Peace (Indepaz), Colombia

“How important is the gesture of the son of Escobar?” BBC World asked philosophy professor Guillermo Hoyos, Universidad Javeriana. Hoyos said he was ‘very impressed’ with the meeting between the son of the perpetrator and the children of the victims.

“The power of creativity is unique to human beings. We’re born with the capacity to project ourselves into other places. To be creative, you have to do something. It’s applied imagination.”
–Sir Ken Robinson, Author, The Element: How Finding Your Passion Changes Everything

“We know certain factors, including novelty, keeps the brain growing.”
–Daniel Siegel, Executive Director, Mindsight Institute

“Creativity is where we focus our attention. It’s about mental flexibility,” began Chris Wink, one of the founders of the Blue Man Group and more recently the Blue School, as he started the session on Creativity and Well-being at the Vancouver Peace Summit. Then, he launched us off into a performance presentation featuring three “bald and blue” men who playfully illustrated the mindsets or archetypes the Blue Man cast goes into in their performances (listed below with their opposite):

• scientist (logical, analysis)-shaman (instinctive, focused on synthesis)
• group member (sensitivity to others and collaboration)-the trickster (playfulness, breaking free of groupthink)
• hero (moving toward a goal), and innocent (naïve, childlike, focused on being present)

Before each performance, Wink explained that the blue men get centered so they are not in any one mindset, but instead are able to access and move between any of them, something we could all benefit from practicing off the stage.

After taking us through each of the mindsets, he ended with the “innocent” asking each of us to reach back to a time when we expressed ourselves freely–when we ourselves were innocent. “We don’t enter this state often,” he said, “but we need to. We need to connect to our hearts.”

The theme had come full circle–once again–to the heart. Coming back again, and again.

The first day of the Vancouver Peace Summit was filled with flashes of hope, passion, brilliance, bulbs, and recognition. Media swarmed the Dalai Lama and his entourage, though only allowed to take photos in the hall for the first five minutes of the morning and afternoon sessions. Speakers returned again and again to ancient wisdom, basic tenets of religious teachings, and moral imperatives. Still, it came down to each individual committing to personal change.

Here’s a sampling:

• Victor Chan, the founder and director of the Dalai Lama Center opened the Summit with an intention “to translate compassion into concrete action that will make a change around the world.”
• Tom Beech awarded His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Emeritus Desmond Tutu the Fetzer Prize for Love & Forgiveness. In introducing the awardees, he spoke of living with the reality of fear and violence and the promise of the power of love and forgiveness-a tension the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Tutu have certainly navigated in their own lives.
• Cherish oneself and extend it to others. -The Dalai Lama
• People often think compassion is passive. Compassion is action.-The Dalai Lama
• Peace isn’t just absence of violence, it’s deliberate avoidance of violence through peace. -The Dalai Lama
• People are so beautiful, but they don’t know it. We underestimate our capacity for compassion. We need to bring that potential to the surface.-Matthieu Ricard
• Children have a lot to teach us. They give us the gift of being able to forget ourselves.-Rev. Mpho Tutu (who accepted the Fetzer Prize on her father, Archbishop Emeritus Desmond Tutu’s behalf)
• Love isn’t what we feel, it’s what we do.-Rev. Mpho Tutu
• Family negotiation is a model for decision making. I know peace is possible, I’ve seen my parents. -Rev. Mpho Tutu
• Cultivate compassion, all day, everyday. It takes us beyond the prism of selfishness…Now, when things are difficult, it’s time to practice.-Karen Armstrong

And then, there were flashes of recognition that rippled through the audience. A woman sitting by author and Buddhist monk, Matthieu Ricard, glanced his way and smiled when opening the afternoon session, tenor Mario Frangoulis offered a rendition of John Lennon’s Imagine and sang the line, “Imagine no possessions…” The two shared a moment of amusement.

Later as several references to the importance of parents in demonstrating and building peace were made by Nobel Prize recipient Betty Williams and Rev. Mpho Tutu, I noticed heads turned in recognition and smiles rippled through Sir Ken Robinson’s family, sitting in front of me.

It was infectious. I came back to my room, looked at a photo of my mother I had found in my suitcase from a previous trip and was glad to be able to share this with her–at least in spirit.

For a glimpse of what went on backstage at the Peace Summit yesterday, check out an article by The Vancouver Sun’s Douglas Todd.

Watch the Fetzer Institute’s Prize for Love & Forgiveness being awarded to His Holiness, the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu at the Vancouver Peace Summit live on Sunday, September 27, 2009 at 9:30 a.m. PT / 12:30 p.m. ET.

Also, stay tuned to this blog for impressions and updates from the Vancouver Peace Summit.

The Summit is hosted by the Dalai Lama Center for Peace and Education in collaboration with the Fetzer Institute.