Offering an act of kindness in the face of suffering is a powerful and sometimes daunting practice. Our first instinct may be to turn away, to avoid the pain, to react in a way that we think protects and distances ourselves. Yet to witness our own or others’ pain and reach out in kindness is not only an act of compassion, it expresses our profound connection to each other.

Pain and suffering can trigger fear, anger, hopelessness, and despair, leaving us feeling alone and isolated, or it can bring us together like our collective response to the southeast Asian tsunami, and the earthquakes in Haiti and Chile.

In our culture, it is easy to think we can avoid suffering by succumbing to the distractions or indulgences of everyday life, diverting attention from harsh realities. More seductive still, we can get lost in a cloud of thought that plunges us deeper into isolation and our separation from others.

In fact, our ego or sense of self–the thoughts that differentiate us from others–while a natural part of being human, can contribute to our feeling separate, vulnerable, fearful, and polarized. Protecting that sense of self can cause us to view the world in terms of us and them and override our empathic tendency. We only need glimpse the latest news to see examples of this. At the extreme, focusing too much on ourselves breeds anxiety and depression, while connecting with others can actually boost our health and well-being.

Distracting ourselves, with work, TV, or alcohol, for example, may seem a protective reaction, but pain and suffering remain. By witnessing and accepting the world as it is we are able to respond with honesty, clarity of purpose, and compassion. For most of us, this takes ongoing effort and practice. But being fully present during our moments of pain or despair, provides a profound opportunity to communicate immediately and directly from the heart–as it breaks open and connects us with one another.

“It is not about assuming a new self-image or manufactured persona; it is about being compassionate naturally, out of what we see, out of what we understand,” writes Sharon Salzberg in The Force of Kindness. “Compassion is like a mirror into which we can always look. It is like a stream that steadily carries us. It is like a cleansing fire that continually transforms us.”

Cultivating compassion asks that we return to that initial instinct of “fellow feeling”, be open to our own and others’ suffering, practice forgiveness, kindness, and gratitude. Compassion returns us to something that is not only a key part of our social nature, but part of our survival: our connection to each other and to our heart.

Submitted by: Roselle Kovitz

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 6th, 2010 at 3:02 pm and is filed under Forgiveness, Love, Things to Think About. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.