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Nine Steps to Self Forgiveness
By Fred Luskin, author
Forgive for Good: A Proven
Prescription for Health and Happiness. This list also appeared in
Prevention
Magazine.
- Know exactly how you feel about what you did. Be
able to articulate the specific wrong you have
committed and the harm it caused. Tell a couple of
trusted people about your experience.
- Understand your goal. Forgiveness is to enable
you to feel at peace even though you did things you
wished you had not. You do not have to reconcile
with the person you have hurt and you can make peace
with yourself.
- Self forgiveness can be defined as the
recognition that everyone including yourself makes
mistakes, that blame and shame can be replaced by
making amends and developing better ways to behave,
and that your grievance story can be changed and
relinquished.
- Recognize that your primary distress is coming
from the hurt feelings, thoughts and physical upset
you are experiencing right now not what you did two
minutes or ten years ago. Make the commitment to
yourself to feel better now.
- At each moment that you feel upset practice a
stress management technique to soothe your body's
fight or flight response.
- Recognize the unenforceable rules you have that
demand you be loveable and competent at all times.
Remind yourself that every single human being makes
mistakes and has much to learn. Remind yourself that
no one is a failure: Each of us is only someone who
was unable to successfully accomplish something at a
particular place and time.
- Learn to do good rather than feel bad. If you
have hurt others or yourself instead of mentally
replaying the hurt look for ways to apologize, make
amends and when necessary develop new skills so you
won't make the same mistake again.
- Appreciate your good points. Take time out of
each day to keep track of the kind and loving things
you do.
- Amend your grievance story to reflect your heroic
choice to learn, grow and forgive.
Check out other forgiveness and love practices
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